Thursday, November 11, 2010

How to Get a Girl Like Padme!

Ok ok here we go. I’m going to justify this post by saying, “I, a Han fan girl, have the right to write this post because Anakin won the poll.” Ok, now, time for the post.

Do you want to get a girl like this? -->
A girl who won’t be able to resist your manly charms, even though you’re four years younger than her? Well, this tutorial will show you all the steps to becoming a man like Anakin.
       1.)    Be a slave. Go back and look at your childhood. Were you a slave as a child? A slave that despite having nothing, decided to help people he didn’t even know? If so, its your lucky day, you’ve passed the first step and can now move onto the second step! If not…well…lets just say, you will have to go find a flux capacitor, go back in time to your childhood (and try not to screw everything up) and make yourself that slave boy. I suggest finding your own personal Doc to help with this.
       2.)    Be force sensitive. It’ll work well with your girl’s force sensitiveness! Its chemistry!! And the fact that you are force sensitive will buy you out of slavery. IF you are not force sensitive, don’t even try step one. You should just give up right now.
       3.)    Train to become a Jedi. Enough said.
       4.)    Become your girls body guard. She’ll look to you for protection, and it’ll allow you more time be near her, and woe her. Also, it will give you the chance to save her life.
        5.)    Be dangerously handsome. Anakin always looks like he is glaring, even when he’s not. You do get the occasional smile. But for some reason, girls go gaga over his ‘dangerously handsome’ look.  
       6.)    (OK people, this is a authors note real quick: This next one is all in good fun, and I’m just going along with it, and am I no way being serious.) Try to seduce her. Of course, if you are failing at step 5, then this will probably not work. For instance, touch her shoulder, or her lower back. Tell her she’s beautiful. Move in for the kiss….then BAM! KISSING!  But wait, she’s stopped kissing you! She’s saying its wrong, what do you do now?? Well, lets move onto step 7.
          7.)    Argue with her. Adds to the drama of the relationship, and makes for a better climax in your relationship with her over all. ;) 
          8.)Have a tragedy happen that causes you to do a very un-Jedi like thing. Enough said here  
          9.)Go on a really stupid mission you weren’t really supposed to go on and get captured! Have your Jedi master make smart comments at you while you’re both sitting there awaiting your death. BUT before you die, now would be the appropriate time to look the woman you love in the eye and hypnotize her into confessing her love for you. You will kiss, then you will go to your execution.
         10.)Don’t die. This is a very important step, because if you die, the steps before will have been in vain.  Fight along side your lover, saving her a couple times if you can.
          11.) Be rescued. Also important, because it has to do with step 10.
          12.)Now, you are free to secretly marry her. Don’t tell the other Jedi about this though, because technically you guys aren’t supposed to be getting married
           13.) Grow long flowy hair and have even more of a scowl on your face.  
           14.) Do your second un-Jedily thing. It could be anything, but preferably killing someone; perhaps an unarmed (or…unhanded xD) man, which is just not a good thing to do, Jedi or not.
            15.) You’ve gotten your wife pregnant, good job! You’re gonna be a daddy!
16.) Turn to the dark side. Don’t worry, your wife will still love you, for she is so forgiving and she loves you unconditionally.
17.Kill a bunch of innocent children. Again, your wife will love you unconditionall.
18.) Almost kill your hugely pregnant wife. Notice, I said /almost kill./ She’ll probably die on her own anyway (;-;) in child birth.
19.) Get both your legs, and your hand cut off, and get horribly burned in lava. And that ends the happy life you lived with your beautiful wife. You did not die, but she did.
Now, we’ll be right back after this commercial break.

What do you do now that you’re horribly ugly and incapable of moving? You get this brand new, never used, Darth Vader suit!! With new legs, a new hand, and a really cool mask that makes you sound like you always have a cold, you’ll be fully equipped for your years of Sith lordly-ness.  Its only $99,999,999 plus shipping and handling! If you act NOW we’ll include this cool harmonica for you to play wicked harmonica solos on!!! This offer does not include Canada, Naboo, Tatooine, or Dogobah.  
And we’re back with the final step!!!
20.) After you’ve acquired your Darth Vader suit, shake your fists at the sky and shout, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” when you find out your wife has died.
22.) Learn how to play awesome harmonica solos, just to creep your son out when you finally meet him face to face later on in life.

I wish you good luck on your journey to becoming Anakin!

Afterword:
Ok guys I got all sad when I wrote the last step (not the harmonica one, the one before it.) For some reason I was thinking he screamed, “PADME!!!” But I couldn’t be sure, so I went and watched that last part of the movie and I was like, “……;-; Padme just died……;-;” I hardly ever watch that part because I hate it. Its sad.
Anyway, I’m gonna give you a topic of discussion for the comments below, just to avoid TOO many angry Ani’s girls comments. (PS: Padme, you are still free to post your feelings on Anakin.)
Star Wars: is it fantasy or sci-fi?
Have fun with that my dear readers, and I bid you good Thursday!
MTFBWY
~Qui~
PS: Notice how I included the harmonica? ;)

PPS (or is it PSS): The other day,  i was at a dinner at my church and I was sittign with the youth group. I ended up sitting next to this dude who looked like Luke Skywalker. EXACTLY LIKE HIM! I was thinking maybe he's a teenage Mark Hamill come to the future to do something! But no...his name is Cameron. xD

35 comments:

  1. That's HILARIOUS.
    You just totally made my day.

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  2. Thankyou! :D I'm glad I can make people laugh.

    ~Qui~

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  3. That was hilarious! Well done! LOL =D Speaking of people that look like Luke, my uncle does. It freaked me out. When I saw him at Christmas, it was like I was staring at Luke Skywalker. It freaked me out. I guess that makes my mom Leia. I must be Jaina then! =P

    -Leia <3

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  4. NOOOO! I'm Jaina! HANDS OFF!

    And I'm your twin, but I don't want to be Jaina's twin, knucklehead jerk he is

    ~Clear Skies,
    Amaranthine

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  5. xDD Silly girls.

    OH! I forgot to ask
    Gimme a star wars book to read. Preferably one about Leia and Han or their kids.

    ~Qui~

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  6. Grrrrr, Qui!!! Lol, that was actually pretty amusing. I hate it because it bashes my Ani, but you wrote it so well I laughed. I liked the Harmonica part!! :D Also, to me, it's a collaboration of Science Fiction and Fantasy, maybe it should even get it's own genre.... Haha, that is so funny, about that Luke guy. As for a SW book, Han, Leia and Kids...... I read the Jedi Academy series by Kevin J Anderson and it had some great Han/Leia and young twins in it. Super cute. I recommend the second one and parts of the third. The first one they were apart the entire time! :/ The second one they were acting like parents and it was super cute!!!!
    MTFBWY,
    Jedi~Chick

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  7. My amazing post is coming Monday.......I'm already in the process of writing it! xD It will introduce my new series of posts.

    One of my absolute favorite books is Tatooine Ghost. It's centered on Han and Leia (Luke makes an appearance via the HoloNet). It also shows Leia's journey towards accepting children. She also learns that Anakin Skywalker wasn't that dark monster she had always thought he was. She learned who he was: the boy hero of Tatooine and his mother's heart. I'm reading it now for the 3rd time. :)

    ~Padmé

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  8. Thanks Jedi~Chick!!

    And Padme: Ohh, i haven't heard about these posts. I...don't think...have i? o-o

    ~Qui~

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  9. you haven't read ANY New Jedi Order/Legacy of the Force/Fate of the Jedi/Young Jedi Knights?
    They're my kriffing LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You haven't read about Jaina? at ALL?
    aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    Ahem.

    Tatooine Ghost. That was a good one. If you must read in the "prehistoric" EU, read Luke Skywalker and the Shadows of Mindor.

    Clear skies~ Amaranthine

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  10. I haven't read /any/ of the SW books.

    ~Qui~

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  11. O.O Oh........................................................................................................................................................................................................


    I have a post that would help you. I don't know if you've read my SW book post.
    see here

    Clear skies,
    Amaranthine

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  12. BTW, that post was good books in the Expanded Universe. The Expanded Universe is my life, and if you guys have ANY questions about ANY books, ask me. I've read 100+. I'm not even kidding.
    The Jedi Academy Trilogy was good, though a little slow-paced. I love Kyp Durron, he's one of my favorite characters and is really developed in the rest of the EU.

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  13. Dogobah? Oh my GOSH I friken cracked up when I saw that!!! Oh...

    Leia: Yeah, having an 'Uncle Lukey' might be a bit much. xD

    Qui: Hope everything works out with Cameron. May you have better luck than I did with that name. ;P

    Amarinthine: I /some/ of the SW, but then my life got busy...and it was a long time ago.

    Jedi~Chick: Oh my gosh, girl you crack me up!

    Padme: OOOOOH! NEW POSTS!!! *happy dance* *shouts* LOOK AWAY, YOUNG CHILDREN!

    ~Lika

    P.S. Sorry if none of that made sense. It's early.

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  14. Amaranthine, I haven't read any of those other books either. I LOVE Kyp though, he's really sweet in this book that I'm reading now, he was redeemed. It's nice. I didn't know that he sets the course for the rest of the EU though, that's cool. I really want to read more Jaina, Jacen, Mara, Anakin (Solo) and other EU characters. Any suggestions as to where to start? I really want to get Tatooine Ghost and Courtship of Princess Leia. They have been on my list for a long time.
    Thanks,
    Jedi~Chick

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  15. Thanks Amaranthine!! <3

    PS: Guys, I'm changing the layout ASAP because the pic of Ani and Padme is annoying me. It just looks weird. o-o Look at it, i mean her nose is squished against his face and she doesn't look like she's enjoying it /at all./

    ~Qui~

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  16. Jedi Chick:
    I posted a link to my blog where I wrote a really long post about EU books.

    Tatooine Ghost was okay. Courtship of Princess Leia.....................................................ick.
    I mean, if you're a HUGE Leia/Han fan, go ahead and read it............but....it's um........very.................very.............ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    .

    Yeah.

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  17. OH, and he doesn't set the course for the rest of the EU, though he plays a part in it.

    Spoiler warning:
    he falls in love with Jaina (sniff) for a book or two in the NJO(even though he's SIXTEEN years older than her), then becomes a major annoying loudmouthed pain in the neck(to the jedi) for the rest of it.
    But I like him anyways.

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  18. I actually liked The Courtship of Princess Leia. I mean, it was......different, but I thought the Dathomir parts were interesting... I think.

    I read about half of Tatooine Ghost but got bored and just read the parts with Leia watching SPOILER!!!!!! the hologram of Shimi.

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  19. Yes. That's the word. The Dathomir parts were...very.....interesting.........Have you read NJO, LOTF, or FOTJ?

    I read them all. I'm getting two more NJO books and then I'll have two more to go and then I'm done with that HUGE series!(19 books!)

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  20. Fromt he title, I don't think I would ever read "The courtship of princess Leia." I'm not into anything courtship. =.=;

    ~Qui~

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  21. I really loved The Courtship of Princess Leia. That was the book that made me so mad at Leia and made me start liking Han.....a lot. She was so mean to him.
    The parts with the witches were a little.......weird.

    ~Padmé

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  22. Ok, I've heard what you've all had to say and I am a total SW romance enthusiast so I think I will try both. I'll have to order them though, because our local bookstore doesn't have them in. I checked. :/

    Qui-Urg, how could you!!! I love that picture! Though now that I look at it, Padme's nose does look a little squished....Awwwww, but it's so sweet!!! Lol, I'm just kidding, I copied the pic to my desktop anyhow, I still can save it. What will you change it to??? o.o
    MTFBWY,
    Jedi~Chick

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  23. Actually The Courtship of Princess Leia is definatly worth the read. Right now I'm enjoying reading The Thrawn Trilogy. :D Almost done with them actually.

    -Leia <3

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  24. Don't get me wrong. I love the witches of Dathomir. Tenenial Djo: super kickbutt awesome.

    Even though.............

    yeah.
    NJO or LOTF, anyone?

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  25. @Jedi~Chick: the original cast! Aka Luke, Han, and leia. possibly chewie!

    Early christmas layout anyone?

    ~Qui~

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  26. @Amarathine: I'm getting to NJO.....slowly!

    Oooooooh! Master Qui-Gon, sir, pick me! Pick me! *raises hand high and jumps in seat* I want a Christmas layout! All Padawans love Christmas!

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  27. CHRISTMAS!!!!! I'm sooo excited for the holidays, (It's the most wonderful time of the year!) our family already has our tree up and we are playing the music already too. Ok, as much as I love Ani/Padme, I am obsessed with the original trilogy too. The first 3 movies are what got me into SW, Luke, Han and Leia sound great!!! Chewie would just be icing on the cake!! xD
    MTFBWY,
    Jedi~Chick

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  28. Christmas layout it is!!! I put heir to the empire on hold so when it gets in I'll start reading it. :)

    ~Qui~

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  29. Heir to the empire?
    That's like the BEST place to start in the EU.

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  30. Awesome!! I almost got that book from the library but I waited until i was done with NaNoWriMo. Then I'll read the Zahn Trilogy. I just made the promise to myself!!!! ;)
    Jedi~Chick

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  31. Heir to the Empire is GREAT. But The Last Command is GREATER. I LOVE Mara Jade. Complete 100% awesome. =D

    Amaranthine, I'm working on reading NJO series, but I don't have much time for reading anymore. I'm trying to find time to finish The Last Command. I actually own several SW books, but I am having trouble reading through them. I need to set aside a day just for reading. LOL

    -Leia <3

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  32. Shee........................
    The first couple NJO's are drags. Then, after Star By Star, you won't be able to put them down.

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  33. It's great!! I love it!
    Jedi~Chick

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